The NOFTE

(The NETWORK OPERATIONS FOOTY TIPPING EMAIL)

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ROUND 1 UPDATE

THE “WE GOT CHRIS JUDD, BUT HOW COME WE STILL LOST?” ROUND

Welcome to the Round 1 Network Ops AFL update email (it’s not really an email anymore since I’ve turned to the wide wide world of web). Anyway I’m still calling it the NOFTE. Just for ‘old times’ sakes.

I’m not a Carlton supporter, so don’t be confused by the title I’ve given the Round 1 update. But I just know there was another question, in addition to the one above, that’s being asked up and down Lygon St, and in the boardroom at Visyboard Tuesday morning. That question is, “why didn’t we drop that idiot Fevola?”

Enough about Carlton.

Anyway, the cricket has finished. TFFT*.

*TFFT = Thank Goodness For That

Harbajan has gone home, and Lara, Michael and Fev can spend some quality time together. I guess everyone’s happy that the footy season has started.

Everyone except any Melbourne Footy Club member of course! It would be far easier for them if they could write off their yearly memberships as a donation. But then again, they’re all lawyers and solicitors etc., so they probably do!

Some things have changed this season, and some things haven’t.

Here’s a list of what has changed:

1. I don’t have to tell you to read this in Print layout anymore because you’re looking at a html page not a Word doc.
2. The jokes will be heaps funnier this year because I got a joke book for Christmas.

Here’s a list of what hasn’t changed:

1. Brendan Fevola is still a NB Jockey^#.

^#NB Jockey = Well, kids, don’t ask what this means just accept that Fevola is one.

2. Aker will say something stupid by Round 3.
3. Eddie will complain about the AFL’s treatment of the Pies by Round 4.
4. I’ll get a letter from the AFL telling me to stop infringing their photographic copyright by Round 5. Round 1.
5. This update won’t come out after EVERY round. I need to watch ‘My Name Is Earl’ on Ch 7 on Sunday nights and nothing comes between me and Earl. Except Catalina if she wanted.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK

Housekeeping:

I can’t finalise the prizes until everyone pays me their entry fees ($20), so if you haven’t paid me yet (and I have sent out reminder emails!) please do so.

It’s very easy, just follow the instructions on the web page. If you can’t pay by direct transfer, email me back and we’ll make alternative arrangements. Everyone wants to know what the prizes will be, so entry fees need to be finalised by the start of Round 2. Or early next week at the latest! After that you’ll have to suck up to Clarence in Commercial and go join his dodgy $10 comp.

Prizes:

This year I’m sticking with the weekly winner’s prize of $20. You win a round and you get your money back. That’s a good incentive to not get lazy when you’re sitting down the bottom of the ladder! And like I keep explaining every year, I don’t reward losers, so there’s no prize for coming last. Sorry NB Jockey.

Last year we had 3 prizes for 1^st, 2^nd and 3^rd.

This year we’ll have prizes for 1^st through to 5^th.

I’ll work it all out something like this:

Total prize pool = Number of paid up tippers x $20

Weekly prizes = 22 rounds x $20

1^st place = approx 50% remaining prize pool

2^nd place = approx 25% “ “

3^rd place = approx 15% “ “

4^th place = approx 6% “ “

5^th place = approx 4% “ “

All the tipping entry fees go into the prizes. The $4.37 that I earn on interest goes to my bookies. Peyts, just accept it.

WEEKLY WINNERS ARE GRINNERS:

2008 Weekly Winners

Round 1

1^st - Roadie

Roadie got the season off to a winning start, just like his beloved Magpies. He’s only a short bloke and he’s the Network Ops Pocket Rocket. And before we moved to the airport he was also our Chief Salt and Pepper Calamari Deliverer.

Roadie needs the $20 because with the petrol prices the way they are, he spends that much on salt and pepper calamari for his car or bike, before he’s even made it over the Gateway Bridge each day.

Roadie, do what I did and move to a suburb close to the airport. It’s much more enjoyable sitting in the traffic on the East West Arterial for 45 mins, cursing the council, the government, and the idiot doing a u-turn across the median strip, than it is cruising along the Ipswich Motorway listening to Abba!

2^nd - Sairz

I don’t know whether it was beginners luck or beginners luck, but I just cannot believe that this lovely Hawks supporter (certainly the only Hawks supporter in this comp I’d call ‘lovely’) has tipped 7 in her very first attempt in a ‘big time’ tipping comp, AND picked the margin the Blues v Tigers game.

Well done Sairz!

Sairz got me into the AFL Footy Show at Ch 9 a couple of years ago, and it must have been a full moon, because for some reason, every Collingwood supporter at the taping was an absolute moron (except for me and Sairz’ dad Bruce). But it was fun. And I can confirm that Sam Newman has had a face lift. I tripped over a kilo of his old skin in the car park.

3^rd - Richo’s Mate

I need to ask ‘Richo’s Mate’ a question.

Are you a mate of:

1. Richo (the much maligned but loved Richmond centre half forward Matthew Richardson)?

2. Richo (the big boss RB)?

3. Richo (the ruddy faced former Senator Graham Richardson)?

4. Richo (Richie ‘Welcome back, it’s two for twenty two’ Benaud) ?

5. Richo (Richard Richards, who once made 34 n.o. batting at No. 10 for the Yackandandah thirds)?

Once you’ve answered this question, then I’ll know where your weakness is. And I need to know every tipper’s weakness. Because Richo, if you keep tipping 7, I’ll need to start sledging. And I’m hoping you’re Matthew Richardson’s mate, because then my job will be a lot easier!

THE NETWORK OPS AFL LEADERBOARD

2008 Tipping ladder

Some honorable mentions for solid Round 1 efforts:

Flying Tony – 7

The poor old Demons took a hammering, and I’m a little too scared to check and see if Flying Tony tipped against them. No I’m not. I just checked and I have to say that it’s good to see he’s woken up to reality and tipped against his beloved team. I’d recommend that should be the SOP* for Flying Tony until the Dees play Carlton or Freo!

*SOP = What you should do, as standard operating procedure, but probably won’t.

Kezndes – 7

Two lovely ladies from the OCC who formed a team last year, and only had disagreements over who they would tip a whole 22 times. They’re back, and you can guess that when the Bombers win they’ll have got at least one right! I’m not sure who Des barracks for but I think it’s safe to say she’s not as silly as Kez is, and barracks for someone other than the Bombers.

Bomber Girl – 7

Will this never end? I hate it when the Bombers win the first game of the season. I think I mentioned to everyone last season that my old man tried to force me to barrack for the Bombers, but when I was five I stood up to him, and went with the winning team at Victoria Park. Bit of a mistake that was, as the Pies only won one thing the following year. The wooden bloody spoon! Bomber Girl will enjoy her moment in the sunshine just like James Hird enjoyed many an extended moment in front of his mirror!

Katie Hardcore – 7

Let’s hope Katie has named herself because of her fervent support of a club, and not for some other reason! Mind you, I’m an open minded guy, so there would be no trouble at all if Katie loved green apples.

I don’t know who her team is, but I think she found out about our comp through last year’s winner Owsta, who’s a Bomber. Wouldn’t that just take the cake? So let’s hope she’s not a Bomber as well.

THE 2008 HALL OF SHAME

2008 Network Ops AFL Winners Table

THE NETWORK OPS NIPPERS LADDER

(Where it’s cool to like ‘Wii’ – for all you oldies, it’s pronounced “wee”).

A ladder will be published next week when I confirm all the Nippers who are tipping.

‘Funny Face’ of the Week

Coolio’s top 3 idiots of SUMMER – 2007-08

Where do we start?

Well let’s start here then:

No 1. – The streaker that ran into Andrew Symonds

No 2 and 3 (tie) – Andrew Symonds and his second best mate Harbajan.

SIR DENNIS COMMETTI ‘COMMENT OF THE WEEK’

Don’t forget to get your tips in and switch on the tele this Friday night as the Mighty Magpies take on the Brisbane Circus Lions.

Good tipping everyone,

Coolio.