(The NETWORK OPERATIONS FOOTY TIPPING EMAIL)

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ROUND 12 UPDATE

The “Well played Fev” Round (he says this through gritted teeth!)

Tough it out Coolio. It’s just a loss. To Carlton, unfortunately, but still just a loss.

My miserable weekend went something like this:

Friday night -

Dropped off The Boss at a Lingerie party. It looked like fun, so I stayed with a mate, and was glad I did.

Got home and had a nice scotch (Glenlivet) before settling in to watch the Eagles come undone against the Bombers. “That’s ok” he says ‘cos he tipped the Bombers!

Saturday -

Mowed the lawn and felt a certain sense of achievement.

Around midday, rewarded thyself with more from thy bottle of scotch. Settled in to watch the Dogs beat the Lions. That was ok too, ‘cos I tipped the Dogs.

Unfortunately though it was around this time when the tipping weekend turned pear shaped for me, with the two tips I was uncertain about, the Roos and the Crows, both failing me miserably.

Back to the Glenlivet.

Sunday -

Let’s skip this and just go straight through to Monday. I can’t bear to think about Sunday anymore.

Monday morning -

I get to work on Monday morning, after copping a flogging on Sunday arvo at the hands of Fevola, Ratten, and their team of No 1 draft picks, and what do I get when I open my emails but this.........!

From: Fev
Sent: Monday, 16 June 2008 9:35 AM
To: David Coulston
Cc: The Choker aka Half Choke
Subject: RE: Even the sun shines on a dogs bum somedays!

Toot toot

 Then my morning turns North, and I get rather excited, when I get this one……….

---

From: Mick Malthouse [mailto:mick.malthouse@collingwoodfc.com.au]
Sent: Monday, 16 June 2008 10:04 AM
To: coolio@cooliosfootytips.com
Subject: Members only: Mick's Message round twelve

view online version

Dear Coolio,

Thanks for your email.

Let me first start by apologising on behalf of the boys.

Quite rightly you’re upset, and I can see that. I also understand that you weren’t happy losing to Carlton. Neither was I. But you know what, there’s always tomorrow my friend.

Coolio, I consider myself very fortunate to have spent those 3 wonderful years learning my coaching skills under you at Tangambalanga. When we lost those 5 games on the trot to Yackandandah, you held your head high, and I remember you standing in the rusty corrugated iron shed, with Mt Murramurrangbong as the backdrop, and your hand on your heart, as you promised the boys we would get even with Yack.

And the following Wednesday night we did. And the retribution was sweet, oh so sweet. You enjoyed the sweet taste of revenge as much as I did, didn’t you?

And Coolio, this week, our remaining 6 Tangam boys are finally released from Barwon Prison. As they say, we did the crime and now we’ve done the time. And now it’s time we reformed the ‘team’ again. For there is a job that requires doing, a wrong that requires righting, a full forward that requires punting, 3 umpires that require bouncing.

You know what I’m talking about Willis. Sweet, sweet revenge. And if we’re not good enough to get revenge on the footy field, then we’ll get it off the footy field.

Never again will we let ourselves lose to Carlton. For there will be no more Carlton as we know it after this week. They’ve had their last number 1 draft pick. They’ve sung their last ‘old dark Navy Blues’. They’ll be sent no more champions, and they won’t be able to keep their end up. And if you can’t work out what I’m talking about, then you’re even slower than Fevola.

Keep on revenging,

Michael Malthouse

Highlights from a weekend of forgettable tipping:

Fev scores on his back for the first time since his well publicised ‘bingle’.

Leo’s superhuman hearing picks up the sound of a scream coming from somewhere up the Paddington end and he flies into action.....

“We’re a happy team at Haaaaawthorn”

Isn’t it good to see fit young men in touch with their inner feelings and their team mates?

Next year they’ll be sponsored by the YMCA I reckon.

Coolio’s post Round 12 Quiz:

Match the piece of commentary to the commentator

1. “Another bounce. Or if you prefer, a Ray-Enactment” - As umpire Ray Chamberlain sets himself to bounce the ball for the second time in just 15 seconds.

2. “Oh Fev. Oh Fev. Wow, that was special wasn’t it Dennis?” – You’d have thought Fev had given his annual salary to St Vinnies but no, he‘d just kicked a goal that’s all.

3. “Thanksbrucethebombersshurehavebeenplayinwellandtheresnoinjurieshtoreport” – Friday nights boundary rider comments

4. “Possibly the best footy tipping competition going around is the Network Ops tipping comp, run by possibly the best player, besides myself, never to have played in an AFL premiership side” – Post game analysis from Round 6.

Commentators (obviously not in the same order as above!):

1. Bruce McAvaney
2. Nathan Buckley
3. Dennis Cometti
4. Ricky Olarenshaw

WEEKLY TIPPER LEADERBOARD POSITIONS

Weekly Tipper Leaderboard Position

WEEKLY WINNERS ARE GRINNERS:

2008 Weekly Winners

Round 12

1^st - Fevolution

I don’t know why I should give this guy a rap. I mean, he supports the navy Blues. He absolutely adores Fev. He has a secret love affair with Juddy that real Fev doesn’t know about.

But I guess he has a couple of good things going for him. He rides a mean mechanical bull and he has a high retention level of sporting trivia and other assorted facts.

Fev was at the game on Sunday and he sent me a txt msg during the 3^rd quarter saying that things were hotting up at the G. Initially I thought he meant that Rebecca Twigley had lost her way getting back into the players WAG’s section, and had sat herself down next to Fev in the smokers section. It turned out however, that the Blues no 1 draft picks (Murphy, Gibbs and Kreuzer) had just started playing football, while Collingwood’s old no 1 draft pick (Fraser), was hiding in the forward pocket. That was Fev’s version of things “hotting up!”

An extra point worth mentioning here, is that Fev tipped 7. He would have tipped 8 if he’d tipped his own team to beat the Pies.

I need Derryn Hinch to make one of his infamous appearances now and bag out Fev!

2^nd – Guido Sanchez

Guido must be loving his Hawks at the minute. They are having a charmed run these Hawkies, second on the AFL ladder, and looking the goods to make the finals of Dancing with the Stars.

They’ve got the talk of the town Buddy playing exceptionally well. And he’s also doing ok in the nightclubs if you believe the papers.

Buddy has also taken over Bad Boy Goodesy’s mantle as the ‘Darling of the Tribunal’, and he could run through Ray Chamberlain with elbows everywhere and still be playing next week!

With the Hawks winning, Guido and his Hawks mates Bondy, Choco and flyboymickey will all figure in the run to the line in this years tipping.

3^rd – Tasha Sawchuk

For a Canadian, Tasha is more than just a handy source of information on maple syrup based recipes. She has also acquired a taste for following the Mighty Magpies!

I have it from a close source that Tasha comes from a town in Canada located somewhere near the Arctic Circle, called Yellowknife.

If you ever visit Yellowknife for Christmas, take a jacket. In fact, take 7 or 8. The maximum temp around that time of year is about minus 20deg Celsius. That’s right folks, stick your head in the freezer and imagine it about 5 times colder. That’s Yellowknife in the winter.

The way the Pies played on Sunday, I might suggest to Eddie and Mick that they send the boys to Yellowknife for the end of season trip. I’ll recommend Tasha act as their tour guide, and she can take them out to see aurora borealis. And then leave them there.

It will be a good test of survival, and should be the best and most humane way to get rid of dead wood like Big Pebbles and Ancient Wakes.

What the Magpies will see as they’re stranded in Canada’s Northwest Territories!

THE NETWORK OPS AFL LEADERBOARD

2008 Tipping ladder

After round 12 it’s Guido in first place, as he swaps positions with last week’s leader Bondy, who drops to 4^th.

aqueous and Choco sit in 2^nd and 3^rd places respectively.

THE 2008 HALL OF SHAME

2008 Network Ops AFL Winners Table

(Weekly winner prizes will be paid at the end of the season with the main prizes)

THE NETWORK OPS NIPPERS LADDER

(Where it’s cool to like ‘Wii’ – for all you oldies, it’s pronounced “wee”).

1. Gyanu (73)
2. Footy Freak97 (71)
3. Hot Dog (70)
4. Lil Plugger (70)
5. Iceman (67)
6. Bones (65)

Coolio, how do adjusted and cumulative margins work?

What you need to know about Tipping

· Tips for each game can be entered or edited at any time prior to the nominated game commencement time as published on the site.

· Under no circumstances will tips be accepted after a game has commenced.

· If tippers do not enter tips for a game, round or join after the season has commenced they will be allocated the default score (see below).

What you need to know about Tipper Rankings

· Tippers will be firstly ranked by their weekly score, where the highest score is the highest rank.

· Weekly winners will be determined by the user's weekly score for the round, then by a tippers 'Round Margin' and then by their 'Total Margin'.

· End of season winners will be determined by total score, and then by their 'Total Margin' (and if drawn the Round Margin for that round).

What you need to know about Margins

· The Margin Tippers are required to enter a winning team plus a margin for one game each round (the number of points team A will beat team B by).

Round (Adjusted Margin)

· If you tip the winning Team and their exact winning margin, your 'Round Margin' will equal 0 points/goals (like golf, lower is better).

· If you pick the winning team, but not the winning margin, your 'Round Margin' will equal the difference between the actual game margin and the margin you tipped.

· If you tip the losing Team, your 'Round Margin' will equal the points/goals difference of the actual game margin PLUS the margin you tipped.

Total (Accumulative Margin)

· The 'Total Margin' is the total to date of the Weekly Margins for all rounds in the tipping competition. As with 'Your Margin' the lower your 'Accumulative Margin' is the better ranking you will have.

Housekeeping

I’ve chased up all the entry money – so here are the final prize ‘divvys’

Now that the money’s been counted, and the bookies have been pacified, I can ‘officially’ declare the prizes for this seasons comp.

It’s big money this year, so pull your collective fingers out and start studying the form guide. If you’re tipping poorly, then start studying a different type of form guide! Bluey already has.

Total prize pool = Number of paid up tippers 73 x $20 = $1460

Weekly prizes = 22 rounds x $20 = $440

Remainder of prize pool for end of season winners = $1020

1^st place = $500

2^nd place = $250

3^rd place = $150

4^th place = $70

5^th place = $50